Another bout of struggling to accept my fate at present.
Although I still like the heart rate monitor concept that I discussed in my previous post, it has done a wickedly wonderful job of highlighting my current limitations. I've found that my heart rate goes above my threshold just by standing up and goes through the roof I dare to walk around. I knew I was struggling but a part of me probably thought I was being over-cautious and could start to do a bit more. Seems I actually need to do less.
I think I am effectively going to have to turn the upper floor of the house into a bedsit to limit the journeys I made up and down the stairs. I still refuse to give up on going down to the ground floor in the evenings to have dinner with my girlfriend and watch a movie or whatever. Isolating myself up here is beneficial in many ways but the thought of being trapped here all day and night is pretty scary. However, it does make sense that I bring into my current living area all the things I might need during the day as exhausting myself to fetch a ricecake from the kitchen hardly seems sensible! It also forces me to think some pretty distressing thoughts about the future. What if the stairs become too much altogether? Move to a bungalow? Get a stairlift? Hopefully it won't come to that. Hopefully.
I find that how I manage to cope with being ill is extremely variable. At times I am calm and accepting, other times I get in a panic and other times I get very down and lose some hope for the future. It's not pleasant for me but I'm also very conscious of how difficult it must be for my girlfriend. She is very susceptible to anxiety and our whole future has been marked with a huge question mark. On the surface I think she is coping but I do wonder how much she protects me from, by giving the impression of managing.
I'm aware of the energy I spend trying to balance my needs with hers but sometimes it's simply impossible to do so. I'm also struggling with how much to discuss the subject with her. For me, this is my whole life and I do need to vocalise what I'm feeling. However, I also want her to not be constantly bombarded with my challenges. Also, she has said she isn't really ready to join me in talking about it all at length as she is worried how she will cope. I understand that and I understand that working on auto-pilot gets her through the day-to-day stuff so it's a tricky balancing act between asking her to join me in my world of boring and constant illness and trying to paper over the subject to give her a break from it.
I'm in contact with some great people who have had to deal with chronic illness for a lot longer than I have and they tell me I am dealing with things well and that my moods going up and down is to be expected. That's good to hear but I'm pretty hard on myself and often find I'm rebuking myself for not managing better. I know I have to be kinder to myself throughout this situation and it's something I continue to work on.
Off to listen to Hank Williams now - yep, that's how much I have the blues, haha.
take care,
Barry
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Friday, 12 November 2010
A Corner Turned
Quite a lot has happened since my last update. Well, in relative terms - my life is hardly swimming with activity these days!
I realised that I was still doing that 'headless chicken' thing of devouring everything I can find in terms of a possible cure. I was so keen to beat this illness that I lost sight of reality a little. I thought I'd come up with the perfect combination of supplements and be back to normal in no time. I guess it's understandable that I thought like that but it's not very helpful. So, I'm done with searching for now. I'm sticking with what I still think is a good range of supplements to support me whilst my body heals.
In a very timely manner, a lady on the Vimeo group I mentioned posted an intriguing video about working within our aerobic thresholds. As we try to 'push through' the fatigue and weakness to get things done, we call upon energy we don't have. That leads to episodic relapses that leave us feeling worse. It's why exercise can be downright dangerous for people with M.E. and why I get really angry when I hear people with the condition being told to 'roll up their sleeves' to overcome the symptoms. The symptoms are there for a reason; to protect us from organ/tissue damage.
So, the concept is that, by using a heart rate monitor that alerts us when we are reaching our aerobic threshold, we can avoid over-exertion and thus avoid relapses or periods of feeling a lot worse than we did. Conversely, it should result in me being able to do more. I'll learn what my limits are and what I can achieve without my heart rate getting too high. It won't be easy as my heart rate heads over 100 when I stand up but with patience and common sense it should free me from either being afraid to do anything or doing something that knocks me backwards.
I think I mentioned previously that I had joined an online community of people who are dealing with very similar challenges. That really has been the biggest boost I've had in ages. I decided that I wasn't going to join a local support group as, rightly or wrongly, I felt it might end up dragging me down further. It's so easy for me to be negative or feel sorry for myself nowadays and I was worried I'd get involved with a group where there was lots of whinging and not much in the way of proactivity. That's probably very unfair to all the local support groups out there but it was how I felt.
Anyway, I'm glad I took a bit of time to find somewhere online that I could get involved. It's strange but I already feel closer to some people I've interacted with in that place than I do to certain people that I've known in the flesh for many years. I guess that is partly because we have shared experiences and therefore understand each other and partly because most of those who were in my life previously have carried on with life and we've lost touch.
Another positive is that I have been awarded Disability Living Allowance. I felt strange about applying for this, partly because I don't really want to be tagged as disabled and partly because I always said I'd never claim benefits. However, I have to be realistic as I am now unable to do the smallest things. I completed the form honestly so I have nothing to hide or live up to. I'm spending a fortune on medications (you can get relatively little via NHS prescription) and various gadgets and amenities to be able to function in my home so some money coming in will definitely help with all that.
I've moved into a top-floor room now (house has 3 floors) and that has been a wise move. It removes me from all the activity that takes place on the ground floor and means I can choose when I'm able to take part in things rather than just always 'being there'. I'm doing a few things to make the room more comfortable and functional and I think it'll do me the world of good to have this quiet space as noise is actually painful to me now at times.
Sleep isn't so good unfortunately. Although I was a zombie at the beginning of my illness I did get loads and loads of sleep and that helped protect my body from damage. I think I still need 11 or 12 hours of sleep or complete non-activity each day but sleep isn't forthcoming. I have an appointment with my GP soon so that's top of my list to discuss with him.
I think that's enough for now.
Take care,
Barry
I realised that I was still doing that 'headless chicken' thing of devouring everything I can find in terms of a possible cure. I was so keen to beat this illness that I lost sight of reality a little. I thought I'd come up with the perfect combination of supplements and be back to normal in no time. I guess it's understandable that I thought like that but it's not very helpful. So, I'm done with searching for now. I'm sticking with what I still think is a good range of supplements to support me whilst my body heals.
In a very timely manner, a lady on the Vimeo group I mentioned posted an intriguing video about working within our aerobic thresholds. As we try to 'push through' the fatigue and weakness to get things done, we call upon energy we don't have. That leads to episodic relapses that leave us feeling worse. It's why exercise can be downright dangerous for people with M.E. and why I get really angry when I hear people with the condition being told to 'roll up their sleeves' to overcome the symptoms. The symptoms are there for a reason; to protect us from organ/tissue damage.
So, the concept is that, by using a heart rate monitor that alerts us when we are reaching our aerobic threshold, we can avoid over-exertion and thus avoid relapses or periods of feeling a lot worse than we did. Conversely, it should result in me being able to do more. I'll learn what my limits are and what I can achieve without my heart rate getting too high. It won't be easy as my heart rate heads over 100 when I stand up but with patience and common sense it should free me from either being afraid to do anything or doing something that knocks me backwards.
I think I mentioned previously that I had joined an online community of people who are dealing with very similar challenges. That really has been the biggest boost I've had in ages. I decided that I wasn't going to join a local support group as, rightly or wrongly, I felt it might end up dragging me down further. It's so easy for me to be negative or feel sorry for myself nowadays and I was worried I'd get involved with a group where there was lots of whinging and not much in the way of proactivity. That's probably very unfair to all the local support groups out there but it was how I felt.
Anyway, I'm glad I took a bit of time to find somewhere online that I could get involved. It's strange but I already feel closer to some people I've interacted with in that place than I do to certain people that I've known in the flesh for many years. I guess that is partly because we have shared experiences and therefore understand each other and partly because most of those who were in my life previously have carried on with life and we've lost touch.
Another positive is that I have been awarded Disability Living Allowance. I felt strange about applying for this, partly because I don't really want to be tagged as disabled and partly because I always said I'd never claim benefits. However, I have to be realistic as I am now unable to do the smallest things. I completed the form honestly so I have nothing to hide or live up to. I'm spending a fortune on medications (you can get relatively little via NHS prescription) and various gadgets and amenities to be able to function in my home so some money coming in will definitely help with all that.
I've moved into a top-floor room now (house has 3 floors) and that has been a wise move. It removes me from all the activity that takes place on the ground floor and means I can choose when I'm able to take part in things rather than just always 'being there'. I'm doing a few things to make the room more comfortable and functional and I think it'll do me the world of good to have this quiet space as noise is actually painful to me now at times.
Sleep isn't so good unfortunately. Although I was a zombie at the beginning of my illness I did get loads and loads of sleep and that helped protect my body from damage. I think I still need 11 or 12 hours of sleep or complete non-activity each day but sleep isn't forthcoming. I have an appointment with my GP soon so that's top of my list to discuss with him.
I think that's enough for now.
Take care,
Barry
Friday, 5 November 2010
Shake Me & I Rattle
As promised, I'm finally getting around to setting out the pills and potions I currently take.
Unfortunately, the nature of the illness is such that there is no cure and all we are really doing with medications is symptom management. Furthermore, what works for one person seems not to for the next person. It's a very inexact science! With that in mind, I need to state for anyone reading who also has M.E. that trial and error is usually necessary. Also, because I have become ill fairly recently, I am still experimenting to see what works.
So, let's do a quick run-through:
Ascorbic Acid (soluble Vitamin C) -1000mg - This is how I try to start every day. With a glass of effervescent orange-flavoured Vit C. This is no hardship as I enjoy the taste and the fizzing sensation. The benefits of this are too long to list but most important for my particular needs are that Vitamin C is great at scavenging free-radicals and providing immune support. Bear in mind that we never absorb all of the Vitamin C we take in supplemented form. I think it's up to around 20% we absorb and the rest is urinated. All the more reason to also get Vitamin C from food sources.
BioCare Multivitamin - A word of warning on multivitamins. They aren't all the same. Some are really poorly balanced with too much of a certain element or not enough of another. I like the BioCare range as it seems to have the right balance.
Vitamin B3 (Niacinamide) 500mg - Multi-faceted benefits attached to this including blood sugar control, mitochondrial support and a calming effect.
Vitamin D 500ui - Best source is sunshine but being housebound puts paid to that option. Deficiency is very common in the UK and has been shown to be present in various diseases.
Flaxseed Oil 2000mg - We've all heard plenty of the benefits of Omega 3 oils. Whether it be brain food or joint care, Omega 3 can help. Personally, I avoid the fish oils as they are more prone to being loaded with metals (unless you spend a lot on ultra-pure capsules) and I don't like fishy burps much! Flaxseed oil suits me better.
Chromium 200ug - I had a scare with my blood sugar levels and started taking this to assist. My last test showed a decrease so I think it's having an impact.
Co-Enzyme Q10 100mg - Assists in mitochondria (and thus energy supply) and is a powerful anti-oxidant (those pesky free-radicals again). Also seems to provide some support for the gut and has anti-ageing properties - a wonderful drug! It's not a cheap option and be wary of the more budget brands as absorbtion might not be very good. I use Doctor's Best brand.
Milk Thistle 5600mg - When we take a lot of pills our livers have to work extra hard to detox. Milk thistle is supposedly a good help to your liver in this respect. It's also been heralded for helping digestion and reducing Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
L-Carnitine 1000mg - I must admit, I don't always remember to take these as I have run out of room in my pill dispenser! It's an amino acid most commonly found in red meat but few of us eat enough red meat to correct a deficiency. Like many of the other supplements I take, it has been shown to support mitochondrial function.
GABA 1000mg - Another that I don't always remember to take. It has been shown to raise levels of a neurotransmitter that brings about a more relaxed state and can help sleep. I have to say that I haven't seen any benefit from this so far and I probably wont buy more when my stock is depleted. Mind you, me and sleep are hardly friends and I'll be seeking out some dedicated sleep meds from my doctor in due course.
Magnesium Oil - My new favourite. As I've mentioned before, the benefits of magnesium are many. For me, I'm finding it is helping slightly with my muscle spasms and even seems to reduce the severity of my headaches a little. A good way to tell if you are deficient is to spray some onto your skin and see if you get a strange tingling sensation. Epsom Salts are good for bathtime too!
Finally, I try to use a plant sterol spread (Benecol in my case) to keep my cholestorol under control.
So that's my basic list of supplements at present. I am sure the list will change in due course as I will discontinue certain elements or introduce new ones. If anyone has any comments on what's included or suggestions for trying something new please get in touch!
Take care,
Barry
Wednesday, 3 November 2010
This and That
There is no central theme to this post. It's more of a hodge-podge collection of everything significant that has happened lately.
Some good news to begin. My fasting glucose levels were normal this time so it seems I am out of the woods, for the time being, with regard to diabetes. That's a relief as it would just have been one more health problem to manage!
I'm currently weighing up how best to manage the whole doctor-patient relationship with my GP. I think I'm still minded to keep control of my treatment plan but I am also acknowledging that I can be a little 'full-on' and hard-headed sometimes and no doctor likes a patient who tries to tell them their job! I've worked through the whole 300+ pages of the NHS NICE guidelines and now have a better idea of what I can and can't ask for. Realistically it is just going to be about symptom management rather than anything that will allow me to return to a normal life but I've already accepted that's how things are now.
One thing I'm wanting to ask him is whether he'd sanction Modafinil/Modalert on prescription. It seems to scare a lot of doctors as it can be equated with amphetamines (speed) but it works in a completely different way and doesn't seem to have the risks of raising heart rates or encouraging dependence. I think it has been used 'off-label' for M.E. patients but not widely. Anybody out there had any experiences of this drug?
Another decision i'm chewing over is whether to get a wheelchair. I have a feeling it would make a huge difference to my quality of life as I could get out and about again but I'm constrained by being too worried about the reactions of others. I know I should get over that and I'll try to - it's just that I don't have the energy or inclination to deal with other people's bullshit. There are still so many cases of people with disabled badges on their vehicles being abused for 'being perfectly fine' or people being told they are only using a wheelchair due to being unhealthy or lazy. I mean, I can walk - it's not that I've lost the ability ... but more than a few steps and my heart rate is racing, my muscles are going into spasm and I feel like I'm going to faint. A wheelchair would mean I could try to start doing normal stuff again and have the occasional day out or whatever. I think I will ask for an Occupational Therapist from the local council to come out and assess ways my everyday life could be made easier.
Oh, and I have a new favourite thing. Magnesium. I never realised how beneficial it could be for so many things. I'm now using a magnesium-oil spray on my skin and I have a big sack of Epsom Salts lined up for baths. I'm already seeing benefits in terms of headaches and muscle pain etc. There's apparently a great book called The Magnesium Miracle that gives a lot of detail of the various benefits of the mineral but I haven't got around to checking that out. All I know is that it seems to be having a positive impact so far.
Finally, I'm immensely relieved to have found a support group that I have such a good feeling about. It has been set up by the production company behind the "What about ME?" documentary and group members post their individual stories, and subsequent updates, in the form of videos. I've really struggled with the isolation this illness has caused and with the fact that, with the best will in the world, most people don't understand what life has become for me. Now I have a place where I feel understood and accepted and that's worth such a lot. I might even start posting video updates here instead of writing, haha.
The group can be found here: Vimeo
That's enough for now, I think. Thanks for listening to my ramblings - take care!
Barry
Some good news to begin. My fasting glucose levels were normal this time so it seems I am out of the woods, for the time being, with regard to diabetes. That's a relief as it would just have been one more health problem to manage!
I'm currently weighing up how best to manage the whole doctor-patient relationship with my GP. I think I'm still minded to keep control of my treatment plan but I am also acknowledging that I can be a little 'full-on' and hard-headed sometimes and no doctor likes a patient who tries to tell them their job! I've worked through the whole 300+ pages of the NHS NICE guidelines and now have a better idea of what I can and can't ask for. Realistically it is just going to be about symptom management rather than anything that will allow me to return to a normal life but I've already accepted that's how things are now.
One thing I'm wanting to ask him is whether he'd sanction Modafinil/Modalert on prescription. It seems to scare a lot of doctors as it can be equated with amphetamines (speed) but it works in a completely different way and doesn't seem to have the risks of raising heart rates or encouraging dependence. I think it has been used 'off-label' for M.E. patients but not widely. Anybody out there had any experiences of this drug?
Another decision i'm chewing over is whether to get a wheelchair. I have a feeling it would make a huge difference to my quality of life as I could get out and about again but I'm constrained by being too worried about the reactions of others. I know I should get over that and I'll try to - it's just that I don't have the energy or inclination to deal with other people's bullshit. There are still so many cases of people with disabled badges on their vehicles being abused for 'being perfectly fine' or people being told they are only using a wheelchair due to being unhealthy or lazy. I mean, I can walk - it's not that I've lost the ability ... but more than a few steps and my heart rate is racing, my muscles are going into spasm and I feel like I'm going to faint. A wheelchair would mean I could try to start doing normal stuff again and have the occasional day out or whatever. I think I will ask for an Occupational Therapist from the local council to come out and assess ways my everyday life could be made easier.
Oh, and I have a new favourite thing. Magnesium. I never realised how beneficial it could be for so many things. I'm now using a magnesium-oil spray on my skin and I have a big sack of Epsom Salts lined up for baths. I'm already seeing benefits in terms of headaches and muscle pain etc. There's apparently a great book called The Magnesium Miracle that gives a lot of detail of the various benefits of the mineral but I haven't got around to checking that out. All I know is that it seems to be having a positive impact so far.
Finally, I'm immensely relieved to have found a support group that I have such a good feeling about. It has been set up by the production company behind the "What about ME?" documentary and group members post their individual stories, and subsequent updates, in the form of videos. I've really struggled with the isolation this illness has caused and with the fact that, with the best will in the world, most people don't understand what life has become for me. Now I have a place where I feel understood and accepted and that's worth such a lot. I might even start posting video updates here instead of writing, haha.
The group can be found here: Vimeo
That's enough for now, I think. Thanks for listening to my ramblings - take care!
Barry
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Confusion & Unpredictability
It's unfortunately been a while since I've been up to adding a new post. My intention was to start getting into some detail about how I was planning to treat my illness but my health has taken another downturn lately.
Before all this started, I had some problems with face and head pain in the form of TMJ (tempero-mandibular joint ... the joint that holds our bottom jaw to our skulls) inflammation and cluster headaches. Alas the cluster headaches seem to have returned. This isn't entirely surprising as, by their very definition, cluster headaches come in...well...clusters. You get them everyday for a while and then they go for a while. They are also known as 'suicide headaches' and, now that I've experienced them, I can vouch for that description not being too dramatic. I can completely understand why sufferers kill themselves, or maim themselves, to get rid of the constant and extreme pain. Best description I can give is a hot poker being stuck through the eye. Not nice. It actually creates a strong desire to gouge out whichever part of the head/face is currently painful and sufferers have been known to cut chunks out of themselves in an attempt to stop the pain. Thankfully I'm mostly too weak to go in search of sharp objects ;)
Anyway, all this means that my plans have had to change slightly. I didn't want to put any other prescribed medication into my body but I'm reluctantly going to have to start taking beta blockers again as they seem to be the thing that gives me some relief. Apparently something to do with constricting blood vessels and quietening down pain receptors. I got a bit spooked when the headaches started up again as they did so at the same time as my new supplement regime. So, I temporarily stopped taking anything else for a few days until I worked out it was the return of cluster headaches. Now I'm gradually working back up to full dosage of the supplements and I'll post details of what I'm taking in due course.
Which leads nicely onto what I want to talk about next. I thought I was being so very smart by reading up on every supplement and drug under the sun to see what the latest research findings were and what might benefit me. Unfortunately it hasn't quite worked out as planned though. The more I learn, the more confused I become. For example, imagine you never did any research ever and your doctor said to you: "take these pills, they will make you better" ... all nice and simple, right? Now imagine you decided to do a bit of research on those pills and found lots of documents pointing out they were dangerous and ineffective and then lots of other documents saying they were the best thing ever. Who to believe?
With a few exceptions, I can now make convincing arguments about why something is beneficial, pointless or potentially damaging. Very frustrating for someone like me who works with absolutes and needs black and white answers. However, I need to take something rather than just letting nature take its course so I have to weigh up all the conflicting evidence and bite the bullet. I will and I have. More on that in a future update.
Finally, my symptoms now include light sensitivity and noise sensitivity. The sound of my cat cleaning itself or the washing machine has actually become painful to me and the light is a problem too, even at low levels. All this means I am now having to use sunglasses and ear plugs indoors and will probably have to move into the spare room where I can avoid the everyday noises and activities of the household. I really don't want to cut myself off from what's going on in my own house but I think I'm going to have to take notice of these symptoms and act accordingly. Sorry I don't have anything more positive to report for now but at least the unpredictability of this illness keeps things interesting!
take care,
Barry
Before all this started, I had some problems with face and head pain in the form of TMJ (tempero-mandibular joint ... the joint that holds our bottom jaw to our skulls) inflammation and cluster headaches. Alas the cluster headaches seem to have returned. This isn't entirely surprising as, by their very definition, cluster headaches come in...well...clusters. You get them everyday for a while and then they go for a while. They are also known as 'suicide headaches' and, now that I've experienced them, I can vouch for that description not being too dramatic. I can completely understand why sufferers kill themselves, or maim themselves, to get rid of the constant and extreme pain. Best description I can give is a hot poker being stuck through the eye. Not nice. It actually creates a strong desire to gouge out whichever part of the head/face is currently painful and sufferers have been known to cut chunks out of themselves in an attempt to stop the pain. Thankfully I'm mostly too weak to go in search of sharp objects ;)
Anyway, all this means that my plans have had to change slightly. I didn't want to put any other prescribed medication into my body but I'm reluctantly going to have to start taking beta blockers again as they seem to be the thing that gives me some relief. Apparently something to do with constricting blood vessels and quietening down pain receptors. I got a bit spooked when the headaches started up again as they did so at the same time as my new supplement regime. So, I temporarily stopped taking anything else for a few days until I worked out it was the return of cluster headaches. Now I'm gradually working back up to full dosage of the supplements and I'll post details of what I'm taking in due course.
Which leads nicely onto what I want to talk about next. I thought I was being so very smart by reading up on every supplement and drug under the sun to see what the latest research findings were and what might benefit me. Unfortunately it hasn't quite worked out as planned though. The more I learn, the more confused I become. For example, imagine you never did any research ever and your doctor said to you: "take these pills, they will make you better" ... all nice and simple, right? Now imagine you decided to do a bit of research on those pills and found lots of documents pointing out they were dangerous and ineffective and then lots of other documents saying they were the best thing ever. Who to believe?
With a few exceptions, I can now make convincing arguments about why something is beneficial, pointless or potentially damaging. Very frustrating for someone like me who works with absolutes and needs black and white answers. However, I need to take something rather than just letting nature take its course so I have to weigh up all the conflicting evidence and bite the bullet. I will and I have. More on that in a future update.
Finally, my symptoms now include light sensitivity and noise sensitivity. The sound of my cat cleaning itself or the washing machine has actually become painful to me and the light is a problem too, even at low levels. All this means I am now having to use sunglasses and ear plugs indoors and will probably have to move into the spare room where I can avoid the everyday noises and activities of the household. I really don't want to cut myself off from what's going on in my own house but I think I'm going to have to take notice of these symptoms and act accordingly. Sorry I don't have anything more positive to report for now but at least the unpredictability of this illness keeps things interesting!
take care,
Barry
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Simple Pleaures
It's around 8am here and I have been out of bed for an hour or more. I've dressed and I've taken all my pills and supplements etc. Big deal, right? Well, I've come to appreciate the simple little things that I always took for granted. Despite the fact that I will probably fall apart again before lunchtime, being able to get up early and do all the 'normal' morning stuff gives me an incredible boost and a glimpse again of how life used to be. More days like this please!
I'm surprised I have started the day so well, to be honest. Yesterday I really overdid it and had a couple of hours where my body showed its displeasure in no uncertain terms! The morning had involved a visit to the doctor for a chat about my latest blood tests and my referral to the M.E. clinic. Turns out I am in the 're-test' zone for diabetes so more blood tests are necessary. I'm trying to avoid thinking about the consequences of having diabetes on top of all the other stuff that is falling apart though and I'll cross that bridge if it comes. Stressing and worrying definitely makes my illness worse so I'm getting better at avoidance of anxious thoughts.
The visit to the doctor also allowed me to talk to him about how I'm going to manage my own treatment plan but that I'd really value consulting him once a month or so to summarise what I'm trying out and get his professional opinion on it all. I'm really lucky to have a GP that is honest with me and treats me like an intelligent human being. He was really positive about the monthly updates and hopes he can learn more about the lifecycle of the illness etc so it's all good.
I decided to try to stay out of bed once I got back home yesterday and I even pushed myself to fix a cup of tea and some sandwiches for lunch. I know that probably sounds like not much at all but my elevated heart rate and shaking muscles when I stand or sit have meant little chores like that have been mostly beyond me. Anyway, I then decided to push my luck further and sit and read after lunch. That was a bit silly really, now I know how much rest my body needs and how little it can achieve physically at the minute. Needless to say I had a really bad end to the afternoon with a migraine and a feeling that different parts of my body were shutting down. Sometimes it sounds dramatic when an M.E. sufferer says they feel like they are dying but there are times when that strange feeling does arise. It's like you can feel all your vital organs slowly giving up. Probably sounds bonkers but that's the best way I can explain it.
Thankfully, I had some dinner with my girlfriend and brightened up a little again. I managed to watch a bit of telly before falling asleep and grabbing a decent 7 hours or so rest. All in all, it was an interesting day in terms of studying how my body reacts to various things. I won't be as silly as to push myself quite as far today though. Plus I'm concious that the effects of over-exertion are often not felt for 48 or 72 hours so fingers crossed I don't crash and burn before the weekend!
Take care,
Barry
I'm surprised I have started the day so well, to be honest. Yesterday I really overdid it and had a couple of hours where my body showed its displeasure in no uncertain terms! The morning had involved a visit to the doctor for a chat about my latest blood tests and my referral to the M.E. clinic. Turns out I am in the 're-test' zone for diabetes so more blood tests are necessary. I'm trying to avoid thinking about the consequences of having diabetes on top of all the other stuff that is falling apart though and I'll cross that bridge if it comes. Stressing and worrying definitely makes my illness worse so I'm getting better at avoidance of anxious thoughts.
The visit to the doctor also allowed me to talk to him about how I'm going to manage my own treatment plan but that I'd really value consulting him once a month or so to summarise what I'm trying out and get his professional opinion on it all. I'm really lucky to have a GP that is honest with me and treats me like an intelligent human being. He was really positive about the monthly updates and hopes he can learn more about the lifecycle of the illness etc so it's all good.
I decided to try to stay out of bed once I got back home yesterday and I even pushed myself to fix a cup of tea and some sandwiches for lunch. I know that probably sounds like not much at all but my elevated heart rate and shaking muscles when I stand or sit have meant little chores like that have been mostly beyond me. Anyway, I then decided to push my luck further and sit and read after lunch. That was a bit silly really, now I know how much rest my body needs and how little it can achieve physically at the minute. Needless to say I had a really bad end to the afternoon with a migraine and a feeling that different parts of my body were shutting down. Sometimes it sounds dramatic when an M.E. sufferer says they feel like they are dying but there are times when that strange feeling does arise. It's like you can feel all your vital organs slowly giving up. Probably sounds bonkers but that's the best way I can explain it.
Thankfully, I had some dinner with my girlfriend and brightened up a little again. I managed to watch a bit of telly before falling asleep and grabbing a decent 7 hours or so rest. All in all, it was an interesting day in terms of studying how my body reacts to various things. I won't be as silly as to push myself quite as far today though. Plus I'm concious that the effects of over-exertion are often not felt for 48 or 72 hours so fingers crossed I don't crash and burn before the weekend!
Take care,
Barry
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Treatment Plan - Part 1
In my last update I mentioned that I was now focusing upon managing my symptoms rather than seeking out some miracle cure. Today I am going to begin documenting the various things I will be using to help manage my illness.
There are two reasons why this is important now. Firstly, and most obviously, I have very little quality of life as a result of the symptoms I am currently 'enjoying'. If I can lessen the severity of those symptoms by as little as 20% I will significantly increase the range of activities I can take part in. Small things to most people but things that I've lost the ability to do for myself like fixing a meal or walking to the end of the street. Secondly, I need to be very mindful of the impact of my illness on my internal functioning. Statistically I am now likely to die of a heart attack at 58 (rather than 73 if I didn't have this illness) and I have a much higher likelihood of strokes, diabetes, organ failure and cancer. Cheery stuff huh?
So, it's important I do as much as I can to sway the odds of reaching a ripe old age in my favour. That is the long and short of my treatment plan. It is accepting I am unlikely to cure myself but it is making use of established clinical outcomes and robust scientific trials to give myself as many small advantages as I can. I mentioned previously about the dilemma of spending time, money and hope on treatments or just letting things take their course. I'm determined not to just give up and so the treatment option is the right one. However, I will apply a strict qualifying criteria to every potential treatment option. It has to be proven to have shown positive results and, just as importantly, it has to be free from excessive risks or side effects. Most prescribed medicines that attempt to treat many of my symptoms have other unwelcome impacts upon the way my body manages itself and those will not be considered by me.
For anyone following this who does not currently have the same illness as I do, I should also mention that 90% of what I end up doing or taking will apply just as much to general good health. Each part of the treatment plan plays a part in addressing basic imbalances within the body.
The first two elements I want to mention are both examples of what I previously considered to be champions of marketing rather than truly beneficial treatments. However, after a lot of reading and understanding the science behind them and how they change things within our bodies I am convinced both are vital.
Firstly, probiotics. I'm not going to cite individual studies as there are too many to mention but suffice to say that I am now satisfied that maintaining a healthy gut flora is definitely worth the effort and expense. We still don't fully understand all of the benefits of doing so but what is understood is impressive. A good probiotic can, amongst other things, regulate blood sugar levels (good for avoiding diabetes), boost our immune systems (good for fighting off viral infections - 80% of our immune strength is controlled via the gut), control yeast levels (good for breaking free of cravings for sugary processed foods etc) and can even help our waistlines! (sugars and starches are converted to short-chain fatty acids which are used for energy).
The emphasis has to be on a GOOD probiotic though. It is my belief that the heavily-marketed yoghurts are ineffective as the bacteria is unlikely to make it past our stomach acids. Similarly, the popular drinks are likely to be heavily processed and contain too many sugars and starches to have enough benefit. That leaves two choices - either grow your own bacteria and top it up with some sort of milk product (not as hard as it sounds, people have been making their own yoghurt for a long time and it's the same principle - a kefir starter kit can be bought for about 6 quid) or find a good probiotic in the form of gel tablets (they will make it past the stomach acids).
Secondly, I need to keep careful control of cholesterol. By that I mean keep levels of 'bad' cholesterol as low as possible and raise levels of 'good' cholesterol as much as I can. My heart is not working as efficiently as it should at the moment and is under more strain from minor exertion (standing or sitting in my case) so it's important I don't make matters worse. I don't want to mention brand names but I am introducing a well-known spread that is proven to improve cholesterol levels. I used to think this was another example of clever marketing as a means to sell expensive products but I have changed my mind. I have now read enough independent studies to suggest it not only works well but it works impressively quickly. In fact, more quickly than taking what is usually prescribed for high cholesterol levels (statins - they have lots of nasty side effects such as supressing some of our bodies' natural functions).
So, that's the first two parts of the treatment plan. Neither is very exotic or earth-shattering and both are widely available. The combined benefits are proven and significant enough to justify the cost and are especially important to someone like me whose natural functions are presently haywire. As I've said though, a GOOD probiotic and an effective plant-based cholesterol management food (such as a margarine) will also have huge positives for almost everyone.
Ok, that's long enough for now. Next time I'll start to go into some detail about some of the vitamins that are important and why most people waste their money on supplements!
Take care,
Barry
There are two reasons why this is important now. Firstly, and most obviously, I have very little quality of life as a result of the symptoms I am currently 'enjoying'. If I can lessen the severity of those symptoms by as little as 20% I will significantly increase the range of activities I can take part in. Small things to most people but things that I've lost the ability to do for myself like fixing a meal or walking to the end of the street. Secondly, I need to be very mindful of the impact of my illness on my internal functioning. Statistically I am now likely to die of a heart attack at 58 (rather than 73 if I didn't have this illness) and I have a much higher likelihood of strokes, diabetes, organ failure and cancer. Cheery stuff huh?
So, it's important I do as much as I can to sway the odds of reaching a ripe old age in my favour. That is the long and short of my treatment plan. It is accepting I am unlikely to cure myself but it is making use of established clinical outcomes and robust scientific trials to give myself as many small advantages as I can. I mentioned previously about the dilemma of spending time, money and hope on treatments or just letting things take their course. I'm determined not to just give up and so the treatment option is the right one. However, I will apply a strict qualifying criteria to every potential treatment option. It has to be proven to have shown positive results and, just as importantly, it has to be free from excessive risks or side effects. Most prescribed medicines that attempt to treat many of my symptoms have other unwelcome impacts upon the way my body manages itself and those will not be considered by me.
For anyone following this who does not currently have the same illness as I do, I should also mention that 90% of what I end up doing or taking will apply just as much to general good health. Each part of the treatment plan plays a part in addressing basic imbalances within the body.
The first two elements I want to mention are both examples of what I previously considered to be champions of marketing rather than truly beneficial treatments. However, after a lot of reading and understanding the science behind them and how they change things within our bodies I am convinced both are vital.
Firstly, probiotics. I'm not going to cite individual studies as there are too many to mention but suffice to say that I am now satisfied that maintaining a healthy gut flora is definitely worth the effort and expense. We still don't fully understand all of the benefits of doing so but what is understood is impressive. A good probiotic can, amongst other things, regulate blood sugar levels (good for avoiding diabetes), boost our immune systems (good for fighting off viral infections - 80% of our immune strength is controlled via the gut), control yeast levels (good for breaking free of cravings for sugary processed foods etc) and can even help our waistlines! (sugars and starches are converted to short-chain fatty acids which are used for energy).
The emphasis has to be on a GOOD probiotic though. It is my belief that the heavily-marketed yoghurts are ineffective as the bacteria is unlikely to make it past our stomach acids. Similarly, the popular drinks are likely to be heavily processed and contain too many sugars and starches to have enough benefit. That leaves two choices - either grow your own bacteria and top it up with some sort of milk product (not as hard as it sounds, people have been making their own yoghurt for a long time and it's the same principle - a kefir starter kit can be bought for about 6 quid) or find a good probiotic in the form of gel tablets (they will make it past the stomach acids).
Secondly, I need to keep careful control of cholesterol. By that I mean keep levels of 'bad' cholesterol as low as possible and raise levels of 'good' cholesterol as much as I can. My heart is not working as efficiently as it should at the moment and is under more strain from minor exertion (standing or sitting in my case) so it's important I don't make matters worse. I don't want to mention brand names but I am introducing a well-known spread that is proven to improve cholesterol levels. I used to think this was another example of clever marketing as a means to sell expensive products but I have changed my mind. I have now read enough independent studies to suggest it not only works well but it works impressively quickly. In fact, more quickly than taking what is usually prescribed for high cholesterol levels (statins - they have lots of nasty side effects such as supressing some of our bodies' natural functions).
So, that's the first two parts of the treatment plan. Neither is very exotic or earth-shattering and both are widely available. The combined benefits are proven and significant enough to justify the cost and are especially important to someone like me whose natural functions are presently haywire. As I've said though, a GOOD probiotic and an effective plant-based cholesterol management food (such as a margarine) will also have huge positives for almost everyone.
Ok, that's long enough for now. Next time I'll start to go into some detail about some of the vitamins that are important and why most people waste their money on supplements!
Take care,
Barry
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)